you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
