That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
