I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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