dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
