Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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