guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
