I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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