the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
