please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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