Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
