The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
