Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
