Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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