you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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