I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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