Me too!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Boobs are out for the taking
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
