Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
