i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
