I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
