i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
