Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
