Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
