thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
