There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
