YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
