Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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