and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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