you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
