have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Damn victory sex feels great
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
