Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
