Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
