Can i not drive my cunt home
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
