i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
