I am puke
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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