if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
