are you still at the devil's house?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
