i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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