You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
