fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
