well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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