and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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