Christians are straight up FREAKS
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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