just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Randomize
