Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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