Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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