Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
