I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
