I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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