why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
