They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
