i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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